


Life Anew

by KesoKeos



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: About the angst, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Character Death, Hinata Shouyou & Tsukishima Kei Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, I regret some things, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, One Shot, Platonic Soulmates, Romantic Soulmates, Sadness, Self-Indulgent, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates, Tears, You Have Been Warned, and violin, anyways hope you enjoy, but a good ending I guess?, but it was for the plot, hinata and Tsukki are best friends, i’m sorry Kageyama, more like brothers, not really fluff, they cry a lot, theyre really close, tsukki plays piano, what even are these tags anymore
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-07
Updated: 2020-06-07
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:40:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24586249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KesoKeos/pseuds/KesoKeos
Summary: After an incident five years ago, Tsukishima left behind Japan to go to Austria to study music, only keeping in contact with a select few people. When Hinata’s soulmate Kageyama passes away in a car accident, Tsukishima didn't hesitate to come back to support his brother figure, but Japan was filled with people and problems he'd tried so desperately to escape.People and problems such as Kuroo Tetsurou, the man who's name (whose soulmate mark) he'd burned off his skin.(T/W - mentions of attempted suicide and self harm, but it’s not really graphic. also character death, but again not really graphic)
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Hinata Shouyou & Tsukishima Kei, Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei, Tsukishima Kei & Yamaguchi Tadashi, Yachi Hitoka/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 2
Kudos: 107





	Life Anew

Tsukishima had always loved the soulmate marks as a kid, like many people. The names on his wrists, one whom would be his platonic soulmate and one who would be his romantic soulmate. He didn't know who would belong to what role, but the two names inked in the handwriting of their respective owners made him feel less alone.

Meeting Yamaguchi had come first, of course. They went to the same middle school, where Kei had helped him by stopping some bullies. Back then, they hadn't known each other, but as soon as Yamaguchi had uttered his name Tsukishima knew not to let go. They understood each other in a way that only soulmates could; they were the best of friends despite Tadashi being shy and nervous and Kei being salty.

They stuck together and told each other everything, there were never any secrets. Tsukishima couldn't hide anything from Yamaguchi, and nor Yamaguchi from Tsukishima. There had reached a point though, when they were both old enough to know who they liked and were interested in, and when Yamaguchi admitted he was straight and didn't see Tsukishima as anything more than a friend, and that he was like a brother, that didn't matter so much to him.

The problems had started when they made it to Karasuno, where they seemed to be tangled in some sort of sick and large love triangle. Their captain, Daichi, had the names of his friend Michimiya Yui and Sugawara on their wrists. Yui had Shimizu on her wrist, as well as Daichi, and Shimizu had both Yui and the same name as Yamaguchi's other soulmate, Yachi Hitoka. 

The situation was only more mangled later on. As it turned out, Hinata had Kozume Kenma and Kageyama Tobio on his wrists. When the pair met, it turned out that Kenma had Kuroo (Tsukishima's soulmate) and Hinata's name. Kageyama had Oikawa and Hinata's names, and Oikawa had Kageyama and Iwazumi's name.

Everything seemed to collide when it got to the training camp, which Yachi came on. Michimiya and Shimizu were together, as were Daichi and Sugawara, leaving Yamaguchi and Yachi to finally get to talk more as they were soulmates. The problem? Oikawa was with Iwazumi, Hinata and Kageyama were an item, and even worse, Kozume Kenma and Kuroo Tetsurou were one as well. No matter what, his supposed soulmates weren't his and never would be. 

Tsukishima was stuck in an irreversible situation. He couldn't and wouldn't break up their relationships for his happiness, and even if he did that would leave someone else as lonely as he was. In this messed up group of connections, he was the odd one out. He was lonely and hurting and so, so alone. That was the first lie he told Yamaguchi, that he was happy and thought it was cool to have so many friends, and that was the first lie that the freckled boy had believed.

He tried his best to avoid Kuroo, and everyone else, covering his wrists with bandaids because he was ashamed to be so alone. Everyone knew about the couples, and it would be best if nobody knew about his wrists either.

But he was also lonely, so when Kuroo invited him to block for them he couldn't help but accept, especially since Kuroo was there. He lied to him, too, saying that he had met his romantic soulmate already and that he just didn't like being teased for his sexuality. Tetsurou, as he asked to be called, was okay with that and fully supportive, not a hint of hurt in those eyes at that. No, he was perfectly happy in a relationship with Kenma.

Nobody understood just how badly he was hurting.

Nobody but three people had realised he wasn't happy like he was acting. Those people; Akaashi Keiji, Hinata Shouyou, and Bokuto Koutarou. Like the guardian angels they were they took him in, never teasing nor judgemental. They were the only reason he made it through the camp, never believing the lies of 'I'm fine' and 'nothing's wrong'. 

And so, when he left the camp, he constantly texted Bokuto and Akaashi, the two like older brothers to him as his own brother Akiteru had never been close to him. Hinata was there to cheer him up during the day, the one to distract him from the ache he felt and remind him that soulmate marks didn't determine your friends or partner. They only guided you to who they thought were best, and Tsukishima leaned that the hard way. 

Tetsurou talked too, he always made a point to make conversation with him and stuff and they were actually quite close. Kei was in love with him, and though it killed him deep inside he went to the teen's graduation. Seeing him so happy, seeing the look of pure love in his eyes when he kissed Kenma, it only reminded him that the man he loved was taken, that the man he loved didn't love him back. 

Kei would never feel that love, or know that warmth, of a soulmate who loved you and wanted you and you only. 

He didn't know how he lasted so long, all of the visits from Kuroo and the visits to Tokyo, they always ended him with him crying to Bokuto or Akaashi or Hinata. He was the captain of their volleyball team in the third year, too, he'd taken them to nationals and they had won. They all thought he was happy alone, that he didn't need anyone and he was strong. In fact, they all looked up to him for it, all but those who knew the truth. 

The facade he wore, it was like glue just barely holding him together when his heart was tearing him apart. The day of his graduation, Kuroo (with Kenma), Bokuto and Akaashi had come to see him, come to celebrate with him. In the end, Tsukishima left the party and went back home. His mother was out, and everyone else was probably drunk and didn't care where he was.

That was the night Kei rid himself of the names that had been haunting and hurting him for so long. The flames burned his skin, and Kei felt everything and nothing all at once as they cleansed his skin of the names of the people that would never love him. It was so incredibly selfish, he knew, because that didn't mean that they didn't love him as friends, but that still didn't make him change his mind. They would all be happy without him, forever. 

Once again, it was Akaashi, Bokuto and Hinata that were there to pick up the pieces. It was that night, that below where Yamaguchi's name had once been, three new ones appeared. Three platonic soulmates, brothers who loved him and had loved him no matter what the soulmate marks had said. On their wrists, Tsukishima's name was there too, proof of their friendship and their love for each other, despite not being romantic.

He cried many tears that night, tears of loss, tears of mourning, yet tears of joy and tears because he knew that he was wanted. And last of all, he was free to choose who he wanted to love and how he wanted to live. With some money from Bokuto (who was a professional volleyball player) and help from Akaashi (who was a well known professional string player, playing instruments such as violin, cello and double bass in many professional bands globally), he moved to Austria. He wanted to study music, and they had excellent universities there. He was skilled and talented and his love for composing and playing music only grew. He didn't tell Kuroo, nor Yamaguchi. He deleted their numbers and changed their own, and none of their friends stopped him.

Tsukishima was a man who had been through far too much heartbreak, far too much pain and suffering, and if this would help him to regain that spark of joy they would do anything for him. And sure enough, Tsukishima was happy once more.

Five years passed, and he was happy, living in his small but cosy house in Austria, only home for when he wasn't in other places of the world for performing in shows or competitions. The skin has healed over, the burn marks there but not a hint of that black ink that had been his old soulmate marks.

Of course, good things could never last forever. One minute everything was good, and the next minute he knew he was on a plane straight back to Tokyo, Japan. 

'Kei, I'm afraid there's bad news. Kageyama, he was in a really bad car accident. He didn't make it'.

x-X-x

Tsukishima wasn't about to leave his brother figure hurting and alone. With a text replying back to Akaashi, he let them know he was coming right away and would be staying for at least a month. 

Keiji was waiting to pick him up when he arrived, a sad look in his eyes. Kei hadn't been best friends with Kageyama, but once he became captain of their volleyball team they definitely talked more and had a silent respect for the other. They kept in touch and got along quite well, and the setter had been the only other person who he'd told about the burning of the names from his wrists. Keiji and Kou had been closer to the man, as they'd seen each other in person more, but none of them were as close as Hinata had been.

"The funeral is tomorrow at ten. Koutarou is with Kenma looking after Shouyou," Keiji explained, his voice sounding more tired and dull than usual. He'd obviously not been getting enough sleep recently, which made sense since he'd probably been working out the funeral.

Kei only nodded solemnly and sighed softly. "If you think it'd help, I'd be happy to go and see him this afternoon. Otherwise I can just see him at the funeral and look after him later. I'll be here for a month, I don't have much on and I told the director. He understood." He wanted to help Shouyou, but he didn't want to make things worse since if Kenma was there, Kuroo definitely was, and Yamaguchi was probably trying to help too. He had just left and not said a word to them in five years, so it was only fair that he would cause drama.

He felt his heart ache, and not for the first time Kei has no clue what to do. There was so much pent up heartache from deep in his soul. No matter how he saw this, he would get hurt again. They were all hurting again. 

"I get why you would want to stay away, but I can assure you that he would love it if you came. Just leave it to Kou and I to keep them off your back," Keiji assured him, leading him to grab his suitcase and then to the car. "You brought your violin?"

"Mhm," he muttered, making sure everything was safely in the trunk before sitting in the passenger seat beside Akaashi. "I figured that I'll probably be — in a very depressing way — inspired to write some things. I know you have a piano and if worse comes to worse I can use the piano application on my tablet, but my violin is special. Besides, I get too stressed if I don't play anything and it's a good vent, too."

"Fair enough," he agreed, giving him a knowing smile. Akaashi still played on a national level, though he was also now a manga editor, since he also loved literature. Music was still a passion though, and bad things like this seemed to be the best muse sometimes. "So, are you fine to be heading to Shou's place, or should we grab some lunch for you on the way?"

"If it's not too much trouble, could we stop by and get some sushi, just from a convenience store is fine. I just need something to pick me up and save me from my jet lag."

Akaashi nodded and pulled over at some place that was near the airport. A few minutes later Kei had gotten some food and returned, and was eating the sushi as they traveled. He ran his thumb over the burn scars on his right wrist, where Kuroo's name had once been, sighing and pulling out two large plasters/bandaids. He couldn't let any of them know what he had done, not yet. He covered the scars, but not the three newest marks that he had been given from Hinata, Akaashi and Bokuto. Never those, he'd promised them that, but mostly he had promised himself. 

Kei yawned as they pulled up in the driveway of what had once been Shouyou and Tobio's house. No car was there, and according to Akaashi it meant that Kenma and Kuroo had left. 

The moment he stepped into the living room, he ran over to Shou, who once again began crying. He moved from hugging Koutarou to be hugging Kei, sobbing and shaking. This wasn't right, this never should have happened. Shouyou was their sunshine, the cheerful, happy young man with a passion for volleyball and a talent of annoying Tsukishima without actually annoying him. No, this Shouyou was sad and small and broken and hurting just like Tsukishima had once been (and deep down still was). 

"Kei," he managed to say between sobs, curling up to the tall blond who was hugging him and holding him close, stroking through his ginger hair. Bokuto left the room to give them some privacy, though he'd given Tsukishima a nod and small smile (simply to show he was thankful for him being able to come). "Nii-san, I'm glad you came. I didn't even need to ask and you came."

"Shou, of course I would. You're my best friend and my little brother and my soulmate, how could I not come? I'm here for the whole month, as long as you need, and if you want to come stay at my place once I have to go back that's fine too," he said gently, a tone of kindness in his voice that he reserved only for those whom he truly cared about. "I was truly happy because of you supporting me through my shit, and I'll be damned if I don't drop everything to look after you too."

Shouyou looked up at him, tears and such a broken look in his eyes. "Tobio, he's gone. I didn't think I'd ever lose him, but now he's gone," he whimpered, once again letting out a sob, then a few more. "It should have been forever, us and him. But the world took him away from me. Was it something I did wrong?"

Tsukishima shook his head, a sad yet caring smile on his lips. "Of course not, Shouyou. You are the most kind, loving and wonderful person I have ever met, you know? You are a wonderful big brother, the most supportive friend, and a patient and kind person. Your smile is contagious, and even if I'll say your annoying you've never really annoyed me. You didn't do anything wrong, and neither did Kageyama. Life is just cruel like that sometimes, but that's when we realise the people that really care will be with us no matter what. I know it's hard and horrible and I'm not saying you shouldn't be sad. My point is, that life isn't forever, and if we lose someone we love it can be devastating. I lost my father to sickness when I was ten, and my grandmother who was my main caregiver not long after, so believe me I know. But we have to learn to live life without them physically there by our side, we have to learn to be happy again. That takes time, but I know their spirits will be watching over us. Kageyama will be waiting for you in the next life, and I know he would want you to be happy again one day."

Hinata continued to cry as he listened to Tsukishima speak, but slowly his sobs died down and he was simply sniffling. He was still sad, but the words had made sense enough that for now his tears had run dry. He was sure that they were going to be back very soon, but at least it was a start. "Kei? Can you play me something?" he whispered, pointing to the piano that had previously gone unnoticed, his voice sad. "I just want to forget the sadness for a while, and your playing makes me feel like I can be happy again one day."

"All you need to do is ask. I want to look after you," he promised, gently moving him off his lap and walking over. The ginger haired boy, still wrapped in the blanket, made his way over, sitting beside Tsukishima on the stool as he began to play. 

It was slow and soft, bittersweet. Full of love and sadness; he'd written this years ago to express the joy and love he felt around his father and grandmother, and the longing and pain accompanied with that. Nobody else had heard it, not once, yet he had played the melody over and over to himself. Now, it was the only song he could think of to play, the only one that would get the emotions and understanding just right.

Hinata's eyes widened as he listened to it, but eventually his expression softened. He simply leaned his head on Kei's arm as the blond played, watching those hands glide across the piano keys. It transported him to another world, and as Shouyou glanced up at Tsukishima he could tell that the man had never completely gotten rid of the pain. Yet even so, he was still happy and he could live with it. The melodies, at some points one in each hand, were beautiful and heartbreaking and perfect at the same time, and he knew that this song was not simply one of loss but one of hope, hope for a better future full of love, but one where the reason for his sadness was never truly forgotten. It was about finding life anew, while holding the memories of a previous one close to your heart.

When it was over, Shouyou smiled, though his eyes were sad. "I think I understand you a little better, Kei. I know it might be a little too much to ask, but would you play it at Tobio's funeral? I think... I think it would mean a lot to him, wherever he is, that he would know I will always love him, but that one day I want to be happy again, like you said. I don't know if I'm reading too much into it, but..." Hinata took a deep breath and then began to talk, explaining what he felt the song meant and how it made him feel. He didn't know when he would feel this much like talking, and so he would settle for sharing his emotions like this for now.

Kei tilted his head, but listened carefully, humming in thought. "I can do that, Shou. And I think you're right, about the song I mean. I guess I've always felt that way but never really thought about it? I've never played it for anyone else, but I've known it for so long. I originally wrote it for my father, and then for my grandmother, and now I think it would be even more fitting to play it. Kageyama, even if we weren't as close as you and I, he was a great man and I'll miss talking to him. I think if I can honour him, if I can help you express those feelings to him, then I'd play this song forever."

Shou's gaze softened, and he gently wrapped his arms around Tsukishima. "Baka, then who would I hang out with? Bokuto and Akaashi are great, but sometimes they're a bit too... you know," he mumbled, as Tsukishima wrapped his arm around the shorter male in return. "Even after you left, I always felt we were closer than I was with them, because of high school. I really missed you, a lot. I just hate that you had to come back because of this."

"I know, Shouyou. I was planning on coming back here in a month to visit, too," he said with a sad laugh, letting out a soft sigh. "But like I said, we have a whole month, longer if you want to visit my place in Austria. You're my brother, remember? I'm no replacement for Kageyama, but I want to make you happy like you made me happy all those years ago. Brothers, even if not by blood, stick together." His voice was gentle and sad, but full of truth and genuine care. 

The ginger nodded, smiling a little and hugging tighter. "I know, and I don't think anyone can ever replace Tobio. But I want to be happy again, even if for a while my definition being happy means not feeling so sad."

"That's a good thing, then, Shouyou. I want to see you happy again too, and I know he would too. Make sure you grieve properly too, okay? It's no good trying to cheer up if you're holding in regrets and sadness deep down," Kei said, voice a whisper.

"I know, Kei."

x-X-x

The rest of the evening was spent peacefully, with Bokuto and Akaashi joining them for dinner and the group all having a sleep over. Kenma had gone home with Kuroo earlier than he had intended (thanks to Akaashi getting Bokuto to convince the pair that it was okay to leave and that they could look after Hinata), so they could just look after Hinata and make sure he felt as loved and comforted as possible during that time. 

The next day came too soon. Tsukishima had made sure Hinata slept enough as he was going to do the eulogy (he'd heard it already, and it was truly beautiful and well prepared), and made the four of them a proper breakfast. None of them felt like eating, but they did anyways. 

Kei drove Shouyou, while Keiji drove himself and Koutarou. The older two were there at eight making sure that it would all be set up properly, and by the time the blond and ginger males had arrived at nine, it was ready. Officially the service was at ten, but people could start arriving at nine thirty. 

Hinata had broken down into tears when he saw Kageyama's smiling face in the photograph, the photograph having been taken only a few weeks ago, on a date out. Now all the photographs that Shouyou had insisted on taking each time they were out somewhere were even more important, all special memories and moments in time, of the way that Kageyama looked at him, the way he smiled, the way he was just with Shouyou, all preserved. The videos were his favourite, of course, but they were for his eyes alone. 

Kei simply helped him calm down, assuring him that he would be okay and it was okay to cry. "You don't need to be strong today. Nobody will ever blame you for crying, or mourning. Even if you break into tears in the middle of the eulogy, let them fall, just take a few deep breaths, and keep going. You have such amazing things to say, and it's okay that it'll make you emotional. Kageyama still loves you, even from up there, he could never stop loving you. And down here? We love you too, Keiji, Koutarou and I, and so do so many other people. It's all going to be okay, I promise," he said softly, giving him an understanding smile. 

Shouyou nodded and hugged him tightly, and Kei hugged back, before allowing the ginger to have a few minutes to himself before people arrived. "Kuroo and Kenma will be here soon," Akaashi spoke up, causing the tall male to glance over and sigh. "Kenma told Kou that he would be here early to comfort Shou," he explained, shaking his head. "I just don't want anything to go wrong. Kuroo and Yamaguchi didn't take you leaving well at all, and they don't know you're going to be here."

Tsukishima shook his head and fiddled with his tie nervously, a little habit he'd picked up. He usually wore suits for performances and so it was the thing he usually spent time adjusting and smoothing out to make sure it was perfect, but mostly to fiddle with. "You know I won't cause a scene intentionally, at least not here. I can't promise you that when there's the lunch afterwards, that there won't be a scene. I'll try my best to keep it away from the people, Keiji, but we all know that it's not going to end well, especially when they find out what I did."

"I've said this once and I'll say it again. It was your choice to get rid of their names, and not theirs. They're both happily in a relationship, back then and now, and you were hurting. It might have been a little selfish, but I understand why you did it and if I was in your situation I can't say I wouldn't have done it either. And besides, you leaving for Austria was much better than the alternative option," the dark haired male explained, looking up as Bokuto poked his head inside. "They're here?"

The male, who had not put his hair in its usual spikes, nodded and grimaced. "Most definitely, and," Bokuto glanced back behind him and frowned, "he's coming right this way." 

And then, there he was. Kuroo Tetsurou, in all of his glory. The beautiful tan skin, fluffy black hair in its usual bed hair style, wearing a black suit and a deep red tie. Their eyes met, only for a second, and Tsukishima stiffened. There was a look of confusion, of hurt, of sadness, and for a brief moment one of anger, in those hazel eyes. It was no surprise, of course, that was what happened when you all of a sudden left your two 'platonic' soulmates as soon as you graduated, with absolutely no reason or explanation at all, and didn't talk to them for the past five years. 

Just one glance, and Kei knew he was fucked, because those old feelings of love definitely hadn't left him at all. His hand immediately clutched his right wrist, unconsciously brushing over what should have been his scar but was instead the fabric of the plaster used to cover it up. It was better that they thought he was hiding his names, rather than that he had severely burned his skin for the purpose of covering that ink in scar tissue.

His heart clenched and ached and Akaashi noticed his tenseness, he knew that look in Kei's eyes all too well. The hurt and pain and agony of unrequited love for a man that should have been his soulmate, but was another's. But Kei was not Kuroo's love, and Kei was not Kuroo's, and there was no name on his wrist that would prove he should have been. In another world he should have been Kuroo's love, but this was not that world. This was life, and he had to be a mature and responsible adult because a wonderful man had died and another wonderful man needed this funeral to go well so he could get closure. 

"K-Kuroo-san," he settled with, internally kicking himself for the stuttering. He hated this so much, he hadn't thought it would be this hard but it was. This was exactly why he had left, because it was too hard for Kei to handle being around him.

Kuroo looked hurt of the use of his last name, along with the -san, but didn't say anything if it really mattered to him. "K- Tsukki," the older whispered, almost calling him by his first name, but instead settling for the nickname. "It's been a while, huh? How've you been?"

Kei picked at the bandaid edge with his nails, not looking away. He knew if he did so, he wouldn't want to look back at him again. "I suppose it has been a while. I've been well, just focusing on my career. I never really thought I'd be back here so soon though. I was planning to come visit in the next month, but I guess it happened early and for the most unfortunate reasons. What about you, how have things been with you and Kozume-san?" His voice was thick and he felt like he was going to be sick, but he stayed still, picking at the bandaid. The edge was uplifted and it would be easy enough to rip it off and get that little burst of pain, but he knew he couldn't.

Keiji watched, sighing and whispering something in the blond's ear. He slipped something into his hand and then sent a warning glare to Kuroo and let them be. The male frowned but began to talk. "Honestly, I don't even know where to start. We're not actually dating anymore, I guess. He came out to me as aromantic four years ago. He'd been unsure of how he felt at first, and once he'd realised by then we'd been together for a while and he didn't want to hurt me. I think deep down I'd already come to terms with my feelings, that there wasn't something right in our relationship, but I guess I had myself convinced that since I'd known him for so long he had to be the one." Kuroo laughed bitterly and now Kei really felt like crap, rubbing his thumb over the small, plastic dinosaur in his hands. "But I've gotten used to being alone romantically, so I guess it's not so bad. How about you, how are you with your mystery romantic soulmate?"

Kei was surprised by the first part of the conversation even if he felt bad, but he didn't let either of those things show. The last question though, he was completely dumbfounded, having forgot that had been the lie he'd told the, all those years ago. "I would have thought you'd realised there was no mystery romantic soulmate by now. I've never dated anyone, I've always he been alone," he said, rolling his eyes and trying to calm down. He already looked uncomfortable, like he would run off at any moment. Kei wanted to, but he also didn't want to. He supposed he was just a masochist, because he wanted to stay and talk to Kuroo even if his heart ached. 

"Oh. Oh. Shit, seriously? This whole time, you've been alone? I thought you were happier without us and left," Kuroo said quietly, voice sad, looking guilty and frowning a little. 

Kei just shook his head, sticking his hand in his pocket and thinking of what to say. "Nope, nobody. Just me, alone, like always. I've never had a romantic soulmate, just three platonic ones," he said flatly, pulling down the sleeve of his left wrist to show the plaster over where Yamaguchi's name had been and, and showing where the names of his three best friends and brother figures were. "Not that it really matters. I've pretty much accepted that I'll be forever alone, but I guess having an overprotective older brother, a brother that acts more like a mom than my actual mom, and the best little brother kinda makes up for it."

"But, I thought you were happy? I thought we were fine, that you were taken. Did I do something to hurt you? What was it that I did to make you cover up my name, Kei?" The confusion and hurt in Kuroo's voice and the pain in his eyes when he spoke (and oh, using his first name, it was so horribly perfect) once again made Kei feel guilty and remorseful. "What did we do so horribly that you don't even consider me or Yamaguchi even a platonic soulmate anymore? Why did you leave?"

Tsukishima stiffened and stepped back, quickly glancing towards the entrance, where Akaashi was signalling to stop now since more people were coming. "People are arriving, Kuroo-san. If we must talk, it'll be later-"

His voice was stopped when he felt a warm hand on his own, and another one his wrist. "No, Kei, you're one of my soulmates and you mean so much to me. See, it's right here on your skin." With that, he ripped off the bandaid, revealing the blotchy scar tissue covering up any trace of a name once being there. Tetsurou froze, his grip loosening, allowing Tsukishima to snatch back his arm. "Kei..."

"We'll talk later, Kuroo-san. This is not about us, or the names on our skin. This is about my brother, and him being able to grieve the love of his life. For him to get closure, and to be able to live again." With that, Tsukishima stormed off, heading to the bathroom and letting a few tears slip out. A pair of warm arms wrapped around him, and he found himself once again crying in Bokuto's arms.

"It's okay, Kei," the older male whispered, rubbing his back and comforting him gently, kindly, like he always used to do. "It'll all end up okay in the end, you know? You need to find happiness too."

"But he saw my wrist, Koutarou, and he probably thinks I hate him. He looked so sad, he thought he'd done something wrong, and he hasn't! How am I possibly supposed to explain that I did it because I loved him, no, love him, because I wanted him to have a life with Kenma happily and not have to worry about me. Because I planned on leaving the world, and I wouldn't have had to live with the consequences of what I'd done. But now he and Kenma aren't even together anymore, and even if he does decide he wants me as his soulmate I'll never be first pick. Just the spare, the one because Kenma and his relationship didn't work out. I've always been second best, the person him and Yamaguchi chose to hang out with because everyone else was busy. Because they thought I was happy, that I was fine living my life alone, and I wasn't, and they'll never understand. And now I have to face both of them at the same time? I just can't do this, Kou, I just want to comfort Shouyou. I never asked for this mess."

Bokuto sighed and pulled away, wiping his tears and shaking his head. "Yes you can do this, Kei. Perhaps this wasn't what you asked for, but there's nothing we can do about the past now. Make it through the funeral, play that song and make sure Shouyou is okay. And then this afternoon, you and Kuroo and Yamaguchi talk. You've never been second best to them, and they missed you so much after you left. I can't tell you how many times they've refused to go out and do something because they couldn't do it with you. I'm sure if you explained to them, they'd understand why you did what you did, right?" 

Kei just shrugged and looked down, looking to his wrist. "I'm afraid what I've done is unforgivable, I doubt they'd want to talk to me." He couldn't believe that was his own voice, it was so small and sad and weak. It was an exact expression of how he felt, his heart clenching and squeezing painfully in his chest.

"Just give Kuroo a chance, you idiot. Look, I've helped in keeping you two separated for a long time, and I may not be the best when it comes to these things, but I know you two. If not for yourself, do it for me, talk to him. It's been far too long, and you aren't teenagers again. As men, talk through it, and at least try to be friends. I really can assure you, you have never been second best. I wasn't going to tell you, because I didn't want to betray Kuroo's trust, but I've seen the way he looked at you even back when he was with Kenma. A part of him loved you back then, he had always loved you, but he only realised after you left. Please, give him another chance, he won't disappoint you."

Bokuto patted his back gently, and left the bathroom, leaving Kei with a lot to think about before the funeral. Ah, right, he felt so selfish. He was meant to be helping Hinata, but instead he was being a baby about his own stupid problems that he'd been dealing with for the past seven years already. 

There was time to talk about everything later. Now was time to focus on Shouyou, and so he did. He supported him through the funeral, through the eulogy and playing Kageyama's song. He hugged the ginger as they both cried while the casket was placed into the ground, covered in flowers in dirt and truly gone now.

It was a sunny day, but their emotions couldn't have been any more different.

x-X-x

Following the service was a lunch at a place overlooking a lake. People who had known Kageyama were there, remembering all of their treasured memories with him, people including Kuroo and Yamaguchi. 

Tsukishima was alone in the corner of the room, trying to be ignored, but that was kind of impossible when you were 190cm tall and blond in a room full of not as tall people with predominantly black or brown hair. Not only that, people wanted to talk to him about the piano piece he'd played, which he hated since it was for Kageyama, not for his own gain. So, the corner it was, since it was less rude than hiding away in the bathroom. 

He was very much still considering hiding away in the bathroom, though, because his two 'soulmates' kept glancing over at him, as well as Akaashi and Bokuto. He was upset that the latter two hadn't told him about the fact that Kenma and Kuroo weren't actually together, but then again he could see why they hadn't. He would have gotten all worked up about it, just like he was now, and then there would have been more issues.

Still, the room was too crowded, too emotional, too suffocating, and Kei hated it. He headed outside to the balcony, taking off his watch (which he slipped in his inside blazer pocket), and ripping off the other plaster that covered the scar that had been Yamaguchi's name. With shaking hands he pulled out a brown box and lighter from his pocket, the very same lighter that he'd used to burn his skin so many years ago. This time, those flames lit a cigarette. He held it to his lip, taking a long drag from it and shaking his head. 

Tsukishima wasn't an active smoker, but he had been once upon a time when he first arrived in Austria. Now he only smoked when he really needed to, when he was really stressed. Nobody he knew had ever seen him smoke, but he couldn't care less right now. 

"So it is true, you really burned off our names," Yamaguchi said from behind him, breaking the silence and causing the blond to inhale sharply. "You smoke, too. After all these years, is this how you really were? Was everything you said just a lie? Do Tetsurou and I really mean nothing to you, less than nothing even, that you would rid your skin of our names and then just disappear?"

Kei held the cigarette between his fingers as he glanced back, clearly tense. Kuroo was standing with Yamaguchi, and it was just the three of them out there now. "It's complicated... if you want me to be honest, Yamaguchi, only about half of what I said was a lie. Not the lies that you're thinking of."

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean? It's complicated, Kei? I don't think that's true. You didn't want us in your life and you cut us off, plain and simple. And what for, so you could turn out like this? Why did you even come here, because frankly I don't think there was a need for you to. You just come in, playing that fucking song like you're better than us, like Kageyama actually meant something!" Kuroo yelled, grabbing the cigarette from his hand, placing it on the ground and smothering it with his shoe. He grabbed Tsukishima's right wrist and held it tightly, hurt and anger in his eyes. "Just tell us the fucking truth, that you hate us and you don't want us. At least that way we can leave knowing why you didn't keep in contact for the past five years, making us worry that you were dead in a ditch somewhere."

Tsukishima gritted his teeth but met Kuroo's gaze, not trying to pull his arm away. "You know why I burned your names off? Because I hadn't planned on being alive long enough to tell you why I did it," he spat out, causing the older male's eyes to widen and his grip to loosen. "Yamaguchi I had seen as a brother, and I understood that we weren't meant to be romantic soulmates. Still, when he got together with Yachi, I felt alone, because I was no longer getting to see him as much and everyone else on the team was happily together. I was a third wheel, caught in a sick love triangle where everyone else had found their romantic soulmate and i was on the side. But no worries, right! I still had my romantic soulmate, right?"

Kuroo's breath hitched when he saw the tears welling up in Tsukishima's eyes, and the hurt expression that the blond was wearing, especially paired with the fact that the man had just admitted he had been going to kill himself at one point. "When I met you, Tetsurou, I knew that I would love you. You were so handsome, charming, smart, funny, good at volleyball, and even your stupid bed hair was so attractive to me. I knew you couldn't be anyone but my romantic soulmate, but you? You were with Kenma, and so I spent two years pining after year, hanging out with you even when my heart hurt since I knew you would never see me as anything more than a friend. I was the person with an unrequited romantic soulmate, I was alone. You know what I was lying about? I was lying that I was okay, that I was happy. I was lying that I was taken, that I wasn't alone and that I didn't need you two because I was happy. And my own soulmates didn't even notice, so I guessed that was a pretty good indicator that I didn't need to be here." Tsukishima laughed bitterly and shook his head, pulling away his arm from Kuroo and beginning to unbutton the cuff of his left arm.

"So, the night of our graduation I left while you were all having fun without me, since you didn't really need me around. I burned off your names, and I was going to jump into the river. Before I could, do you know who helped me? Do you know who had been trying to help me last the two years while you two were oblivious to me?" He slid down his sleeve to show the three names on his left arm, allowing a few tears to fall. "These three. My real soulmates, and the people who cared when you didn't. Akaashi convinced me to go to Austria, to study music properly and live my life away from you, because the three of them knew that I was only going to hurt more if I was around you two. Believe it or not, I kept in touch with Kageyama and he was a good man. So no, it's not 'plain and simple'. I loved you both, but I was hurting and you never helped. Even if I had stayed, if we had ever gotten together after you split up with Kenma, I would have never felt like you really wanted me. I have always been second best, so don't you dare criticise me for putting myself first for once. Now, Shouyou, my brother and soulmate, needs people around to support him. That is why I'm here, not to see you, not to go back to playing our old games. I am not the Tsukishima you know, I am not your soulmate."

With that, he pushed past them both, hot tears falling from his eyes. Shouyou came over, looking like he had just been crying (which he probably had been) and tugged on his arm. "Can we leave, Kei?" the shorter asked quietly, immediately getting a nod from the blond. 

"Please. Let's go home, Shou."

They left, and with one last glance Kei saw the sad eyes of Tetsurou and Tadashi, who were stopped by Bokuto and Akaashi. He really couldn't care any less, yet he couldn't help but care too much, and so he simply turned away without a sound. Yamaguchi wasn't crying, he just looked angry, and Kei had a feeling that they'd likely never talk again.

After wiping his tears, they went home. Kei played the violin for Hinata this time, and they spent the evening crying and comforting each other, the taller explaining everything. 

Hinata was understanding and kind as always, and though Kei didn't get any sleep he still was able to write his latest song. Bitter, sad and full of hurt, it was one of the best songs he'd written in a very long time.

x-X-x

The next day was spent running purely on caffeine and working on the new song. He'd gotten down the piano part, but there was something missing. And so, he was working on a part for the violin, but nothing ever came out right. It never seemed to mesh, like two pieces of the same puzzle that didn't seem to fit. 

Hinata kept on assuring him that it sounded beautiful, but Kei just knew that there was something wrong with the part. Perhaps it was the lack of sleep, or the overwhelming emotions, but nothing was working out. He couldn't force out music, not for this piece. This piece, the violin part had to come from the soul, there was no other way that it could work with the piano part otherwise. 

See, most of the time Kei would have a melody to begin with that he would write out, and then he would learn it on the piano and violin and record to see what worked well and what didn't. Not this time, though. This piece he just began to play, and he wrote it down after recording it so he wouldn't forget. It came from within, and so he couldn't make a violin part the normal way. The violin part had to be equally soulful and full of emotion to accompany the piano part. 

So caught up in his emotions he only vaguely registered the door opening, and hearing Kenma enter the house. When he did, he paid closer attention and heard Kuroo's voice too. 

He glanced up from the piano stool where he was sitting with the violin, glaring at the man as he entered the room. "Hey, Tsukishima," the older said softly, looking genuinely guilty and apologetic as he looked down. "I'm not expecting you to forgive me, since I know what I've done is unforgivable. I was stupid, blinded by the idea of having a soulmate, that I didn't realise how I felt. I didn't realise that you were hurting, and even as a friend I failed to support you and give you the attention that you needed. I thought I loved Kenma, but it was you all along, and I'm so stupid for taking so long to see it."

Tsukishima felt those words tug at his heartstrings, and though a part of him wanted to forgive Kuroo and let him back in, mostly he was just so, so angry at him. That anger caused him to shake his head and glare at him. Unlike yesterday, this time there was no sadness, there was only anger and frustration. "Get out. If you thought that simply showing up and saying sorry would make me forgive you, you're very mistaken, Kuroo-san. We are no better than strangers, we do not know each other."

And so, with a hurt but understanding look in his eyes, Kuroo didn't try and push him and simply left the house, mumbling something to Hinata about coming back the next day for Kenma. Tsukishima didn't hear, and just growled, picking up his instrument.

Hesitantly, he played a few notes on the violin, and satisfied with that, he put in his earbuds, so that he could have one ear listening to the piano and the other to the violin he was playing. With his laptop he listened to the piano, and on his phone he recorded the violin as he played. By no means was it perfect, but it was definitely a start; the piano part sad and solemn in contrast to the more angry and harsh violin part. By the end though, the violin had 'calmed' and the both parts were slow and sad.

It would require refining, but Kei had found the part he was looking for.

He hated that it made him realise that in this beautiful yet heartbreaking piece, Kuroo had been his muse.

Still, he worked on writing out the part. He changed up some notes, making the piece flow better, and then when he was ready he recorded once more. Playing back the recording, tears filled his eyes, and he was that helpless teenager once more, the one that didn't know what to do with his feelings. Tsukishima, in his mind at least, was back to being the exhausted teen who never got enough sleep, who wasn't eating properly.

He'd said that he was different, that he wasn't the same person they knew, but in the end he hadn't changed at all. Those five years away had all been for nothing, because now he was back and he knew he had never stopped loving Tetsurou, that absolutely nothing was different. He had thought he was a new person, a person who didn't fall in love and who could live on his own. But Kei was still Kei, and he hated himself for it.

x-X-x

When he finally ate something that day, it was only half of a sandwich and a glass of water, forced on him by Hinata and surprisingly Kenma. Shouyou had been adamant that he at least eat something, even if Kei wanted to puke after the first bite. "Kenma helped me feel not so bad at the moment so I'm looking after you now," he'd said, not letting him go to his room until he had that half. 

He was in the guest room, and though he was exhausted he still couldn't sleep. When he finally did, it was because he'd caved once again to Shouyou's pestering at one am to have some sleeping tablets. Tsukishima didn't sleep for long, only for a few hours, and was awake again at four am, a silently sobbing mess.

Kenma was awake too, he could hear the sounds of him playing whatever video game it was. He didn't want to disturb the other male, because it was simply embarrassing for the older to see him like this. Kei wanted to hate Kenma, for all the pain he'd had to go through, but the guy was actually really nice and a good support for Shou so he couldn't. He also knew that coming out as aromantic was hard for him, and he knew that Kenma hadn't chosen to be that way or intended to hurt him. That didn't make it any less difficult for Tsukishima to talk to him or even look at him without feeling jealous and hurt.

Kei let out a sob slightly louder than the others at the thought of Kuroo looking at Kenma with so much love like he had always done, of the two back in highschool when they'd kiss and hug, and he couldn't help but wonder what it was he didn't have, why he wasn't good enough.

Quiet footsteps lead to his room, and as Tsukishima let out another loud sob Kenma opened the door, wearing a concerned expression. "Is everything alright?" he asked quietly, sitting down on the bed next to Kei (who was sitting up and leaning against the headboard with his head in his knees) and placing a hand on his shoulder.

"Everything's perfect, Kozume-san," he spat between his sobs, swatting away the other male's hand and not looking up. "Why the fuck would you even care. I'm not your friend, I'm not your soulmate. You already have everything you could ever need, you don't need to worry about my problems. I'm just an annoyance anyway."

Kenma sighed but didn't move away, taking a moment to think about what to say. "I never meant to come between you two. I truly love him, but just not in the way I thought I had. When I realised, I was too scared to hurt his feelings, especially since you had already left. He cried for so long about you, Tsukishima. He would spend hours thinking about whether you were okay, about why you left, whether it was something he had done wrong. He was never the same after you left."

Tsukishima looked up at him, wiping his eyes but still holding back tears and sobs. "Don't lie to me, Kozume-san. Don't you dare get my hopes up like that. I alway loved him, from the very beginning I loved him, but he's yours. I've seen the way he looked at you, he never needed me. He's better off without me,"

"I'm not lying, and if I was I would have absolutely no reason to. I want Kuroo to be happy, and I know he wants and needs you, not just because you're his soulmate. After you left two days ago, he was crying. When he left here yesterday he looked like he was going to start crying as well, and he called me up crying a few hours ago. You need to understand, he hasn't cried since you left five years ago, about anything," Kenma explained, his tone gentle but stern. "Kuroo cares about you so much more than you know, and it could save you both a lot of heartbreak if you would just give him another chance. You might have changed, but so has he. He's a reliable and smart guy, he puts so much into his work but also into his relationships with his friends. He hasn't tried dating anyone and won't even go on a few blind dates, just because he's saving himself for you, Tsukishima."

Kei's eyes widened and he felt the tears spill out once more, this time not bothering to hide his face. "That idiot," he sobbed, shaking and closing his eyes. "I'm not worth it, not worth holding back from happiness for. He deserves someone who he can put first, someone not like me."

"Well, it doesn't matter what you think, does it! He thinks you're worth it, he wants to love you and put you first. If you're pushing him away, then that's your problem, but you'd only be hurting him more. I get that you're upset, and you feel like you're unworthy or something, but we aren't teenagers anymore. You two need to sort things out like adults, or else I will. I will not stand for my best friend being hurt and sad all over again about a guy who doesn't even care or will just leave him because it's hard. Love isn't easy, neither are relationships. Relationships are a choice, not an obligation. You have to choose to keep it up, to keep on loving and caring for that person even if it's hard for you to do, or even if you're hurting. You need to be able to communicate and not hold back secrets, even if you think it's dumb. Look, I may not love Kuroo, but I dated him for years and I know what I'm talking about." 

Kenma sighed and gestured for his phone. "Come on, I'll give you his number. At least try to meet up and talk through things. It doesn't have to be today, but some point before you leave. I'm not going to bother trying to help you any more than this if you're not at least willing to meet up and sort things out." Tsukishima hesitated before he unlocked the device and passed it to him. Kenma typed in the number into the contacts and chucked it back at him before turning to leave the room. "I just hope that you'll think through it, if not for your sake for Kuroo's. I don't really care about you, but I care about him."

With that, Kenma left, leaving Tsukishima to think through things very long and hard. At about eight, after hours of pondering and lots of rewriting the text, he just gave up and sent it. 

To: Kuroo  
Hi, it's Tsukishima. I'm really sorry for how I've treated you the past few days, I've been a real jerk and didn't even really let you talk. I want to talk things though, properly this time. Can we meet up?

He let out a heavy sigh, flopping back on his bed and groaning. Kei wouldn't be surprised if Kuroo didn't even answer. He would deserve it if that was the case, after he was the one who pushed Kuroo away in the first place. He knew the dark haired male had been genuine with his words the day before, but he hadn't even listened nor cared. If there was any hope of fixing things, then Tsukishima wanted to do so.

An hour passed with no answer, and Kei had yet to move from his spot on the bed. He didn't want to shower and miss a call or text and he didn't feel hungry even if he'd barely eaten or slept the past few days. And then-

From: Kuroo  
Yeah, we can meet. Does ten under the big tree at the park sound fine?

Tsukishima jumped and grabbed his phone, looking at the text immediately and trying to figure out how to breathe again. Kuroo was at least willing to talk. 

To: Kuroo  
That's fine with me. See you then

With that, he let out another sigh and sat up, groaning softly. He stood up, leaving the room just as Hinata was about to enter with breakfast on a tray for the both of them. "Morning, Kei," the ginger said softly, giving him a sad smile. "Would you have breakfast with me? Kenma finally fell asleep after staying up all night so I can't have it with him."

"Sure," he agreed softly, opening the door so he could enter and sit on the bed. They sat cross legged across from each other, a little quiet to begin with. "So... Kenma might have talked some sense into me. I'm meeting up with Kuroo in an hour."

Hinata looked up from his breakfast and tilted his head before smiling. "That's great! I'm glad for you," he said once he'd finished his bite of food, giving him a thumbs up. "What did Kenma even say to get you to change your opinion so quickly, anyways? I was sure you'd be deadset on avoiding him at all costs."

Tsukishima shrugged and took a sip of his coffee, yawning a bit. "Basically that even if I was upset, I didn't get to choose how Kuroo felt about me and that if I truly cared about him I should at least try to sort it out like adults," he muttered, sighing softly and eating some of the toast. "He came by yesterday and apologised and I didn't even give him a chance to really speak, I didn't listen. He was so genuine and shared how he felt, but I just pushed him away because I was scared and hurt."

The shorter male's expression softened and he nodded, sighing softly. "I get it, Kei, Tobio and I used to get into plenty of arguments because we weren't good at expressing how we felt to each other. It's not easy, I know, it just takes time. Time to get used to being open and sharing, time to understand each other's point of view, time to work through it together. That's what a relationship is about, listening and understanding and making it through even the hard times where it's easier just to give up." 

Shouyou smiled sadly once more, but continued to talk, almost seeming to be in his own little world as he did so. There was a distant look in his eyes for a while, and it was so strange to see him that way. 

"I miss Tobio, so very much. Everything around here reminds me of him, of the memories we shared and the time we had together. I was talking to him on the phone right before the accident happened, did you know? I'd just hung up right before he was taken away from me, but do you know what? The last thing I said to him was 'I love you, Tobio, forever and always'. And the last thing he said to me was 'I love you too, Shou, no matter what. See you soon, sunshine', in that voice he always used just for me. The one where I knew that he would always love me, that I was just as special to him as he was to me, and that no matter what happened we would love each other. And you know what? I'm hurting, and I would do anything to have Tobio back here with me, and I will never stop missing him or loving him. But I'll never regret anything, I'll never regret being with him, or the love we shared. I'll always be able to remember that the last memories he had of me were that I loved him, and that we were happy. I don't have any regrets and though it won't change the fact that I'm hurting now, I'll be able to move on and know he's somewhere loving me up there. It'll take time, but I'll be happy again, I can feel it. He would want me to be happy, to take my time in meeting him again. Please, Kei, promise me that you'll try your best to reconcile with Kuroo again, because if anything were to happen I don't want you having any regrets."

Hinata was crying silent tears, but he was smiling up at him. He might not get to be with Kageyama anymore, but he wanted Kei to be happy and in love like he had been once too. "I promise, Shou, I'll try my best," he whispered, leaning over and hugging the other male closest. "Thank you, for everything. I know I'm not easy to deal with, so I really appreciate your patience with me. And when we're finished, I'll come back and we can do whatever you want for the rest of the afternoon, okay?"

"That would be nice, Kei," Shouyou whispered, hugging back tightly before pulling away and wiping his eyes. "Now eat, and then shower. You kinda look like shit right now, if I'm honest."

Tsukishima laughed a little at the second part but nodded, continuing to eat his food. He hadn't realised how hungry he actually was, since when he was really bad he just tended to forget to eat and ignore the world. Now though, he wasn't so distracted and had somewhat come to his senses, and his body was crying for food. The two pieces of toast weren't necessarily the best thing for him to have, as they didn't have any protein or other needed things, but it was better than not eating at all. When he was finished, Kei helped Hinata clean up and put things in the dishwasher, before going to have a shower. 

He did indeed look like shit, to say the least, but that wasn't the biggest issue at hand here. Still, there were dark bags under his eyes, his skin was paler than normal and his eyes dull. There was a somewhat gaunt look to him, too, and he was once again aware of how thin he was.

Tsukishima showered, before putting on some jeans, a plain shirt, and a thick black knitted turtleneck sweater. He still looked like he'd not been sleeping well, but he looked somewhat more alive than he had before. 

He checked the time, a quarter to ten, and knew he would have to leave now to get there five minutes early if he was going to walk. The skies were grey, and it was a chilly day outside, but the walk wasn't completely unpleasant. The nerves and sick feeling in his stomach was enough to make it not enjoyable, though. Kei was so scared, for multiple reasons. He was an adult, but he certainly didn't feel like it. 

Kuroo was there right on time, looking just as bad as Kei felt, and for a moment neither of them knew what to say.

"Hey, Tsukishima-san," Kuroo said quietly, the formality of it all causing said blond's heart to clench in pain. Well, he had been the one to say that they were no better than strangers, so he guessed he deserved it.

His breath hitched, and it took a moment for Kei to actually be able to form words enough to respond. "Hi, Kuroo," he murmured, shifting uncomfortably and taking deep breaths in an attempt to stay calm. Before he knew it, he was talking, spilling everything out that he'd spent so long trying to contain. "Uh, just Tsukki is fine, even Kei if you'd prefer... I know I was rude, but I didn't really mean what I said. Maybe I did at the time, but now, I don't want us to be strangers. I was so horrible to you, Kuroo, and I'm really sorry for hurting you. I just don't know what to do. I've never really known what to do when I'm hurt, other than to just make it through. I was scared, and my first instinct was to push you away."

Tsukishima felt his breathing become uneven, but there was nothing he could do about it. He felt even more like he would be sick, but he didn't want to ruin anything. "And I know, I know it doesn't excuse anything I did. I didn't even tell you how I was feeling, I was jealous and alone and hurt and I was so, so scared that you would hate me and tell me you didn't want me in your life. I didn't even give you a chance to help me, I just gave up and ran away without explaining anything, and that was selfish of me. I love you, I always have loved you and even when I've been away I didn't stop loving you as much I told myself that I'd gotten over you. But I just don't know what to do anymore, Kuroo. Tetsu, I'm so scared, and that's all I've ever been. Scared and hurt. And I hurt you and Yamaguchi and everyone else, and since all I've ever done is run I don't even begin to know how to slow down and stop."

Tears welled up in Kei's eyes, and before he knew it he was curled up in a ball, leaning against the tree, sobbing uncontrollably. He was so pathetic, he couldn't even last long enough to hear what Kuroo had to see. He was so embarrassing and weak and Tsukishima wanted to disappear. Maybe Kuroo would see how small and scared he really was and would finally realise that he wasn't worth it.

But then, he felt a pair of arms wrap around him, and found himself in a warm embrace. Kenma's words rung in his head — 'Well, it doesn't matter what you think, does it! He thinks you're worth it, he wants to love you and put you first' — and Kei realised truly that it wasn't solely up to him. He looked up, and though he could feel the older male comforting him and heard those gentle assurances, through the tears he could see that Kuroo was crying too. Kuroo was just as sad and scared as he was, and all along they had just been hurting each other unintentionally.

"I love you, Kei, so much," Tetsurou whispered, hugging him tightly and nuzzling into his hair. "I always have, deep down, but I was such an idiot for not realising it. I'm so sorry, I hurt you so much, and I didn't pay enough attention to how you were feeling. I was young and dumb. I deserved those things you said, but if it makes you feel better, I forgive you. I love you, I love you, I love you. Please, let me love you, let me help you slow down, let me show you how much I love you, how worth it I think you are. Not just because you're my soulmate, but because I love you for who you are."

Tsukishima let out another sob, but nodded, moving to wrap his arms around Kuroo and hugging him back just as tightly. "Okay," he whispered, barely audibly, before leaning in and pressing a kiss to his lips. It was soft and full of love, but also the sadness and longing. It was wet, but at the same time so perfect and what both of them had been longing for. "Thank you, Tetsu. I'm sorry for making you cry, for hurting you, but I promise I'll try my best not to hurt you. I want this, to be with you, but I don't know how to even start, except for that I love you."

Kuroo let out a small laugh, one that held both sadness and joy, and gently brushed away Tsukishima's tears with his thumb. "I guess now's as good a place as any, then," he replied, continuing to hold the blond close and kissing his head. "How about we just hang here for a bit, just you and me? There's a lot to catch up on, Kei, too much lost time."

"I'd like that a lot, Tetsurou," Kei said softly, giving him a small smile. All those previous worries were washed away, and now it was just him and Tetsurou, and that was all that mattered. Unbeknownst to them, beneath Kei's sweater, the name 'Kuroo Tetsurou' reappeared below the scar on his right wrist, this time not in black letters, but in red, outlined with gold. At the same time, Tsukishima's own name on Kuroo's wrist (the name that had faded to a dull grey ever since Kei left) shimmered, the letters now gold outlined with red. 

Just like more names of platonic soulmates could appear on their skin, their soulmate bond could weaken and strengthen. Two days ago after they left the funeral, Tsukishima's name had vanished completely from Yamaguchi's wrist, a sign that their bond had broken. For Tetsurou and Kei, they had just began to mend theirs. Though it would take a while, they both knew they could get through it together, but this time their bond would be stronger than ever.

An hour later, a light rain had began to fall, and so Kuroo drove Tsukishima back to Shouyou's house. Akaashi and Bokuto were there, and despite Kei having been somewhat annoyed at the pair for not telling him anything previously, he was quick to forgive them both and move on. And so, despite that the rest of the afternoon the rain poured heavily, the six of them (Tsukishima, Kuroo, Kenma, Hinata, Bokuto and Akaashi) couldn't have felt any more different. They had their future ahead of them to spend together, to help each other through struggles past, present and future, This, now, was just the beginning of their life anew.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so this idea came into my head and idk if I like how it came out but you know, here we are, 12,000 words and a butt load of angst later. If you made it, then congratulations, and I hope you enjoyed. Comments are always appreciated! Thanks for all the support on my other works, and I hope to see you all again!  
> Have an epic day/night, lovelies 💕


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